Parenting in politics, and what I should have asked my ex-partner (PODCAST)
Plus my love-hate relationship with public speaking
I have a love-hate relationship with public speaking.
I love it because I have a lot to say.
I hate it because…. I have a lot to say.
The problem with always having a lot to say is that figuring out exactly how and when to say it can be a challenge, especially when I’m passionate about something, and of course I am passionate about lots of things.
So when I decided to join Abby and Paige to talk about my time in politics, how becoming a mom in the public eye shaped my view of motherhood, and the work we still need to do to elect and keep moms in office, I figured it would be easy. After all, this didn’t require me to do any research - it just required me to talk about myself and my own experiences, right?
I was so wrong.
Unlike writing, where I am able to pause, delete, and re-write sentences that don’t make sense or am able to provide context to cushion the blow of a statement, recording a podcast offers no such buffer (and history has shown me that I do, at times, need that buffer….).
I don’t know why this came as such a surprise - getting publicly vulnerable about my personal life has always been a challenge, something I knew even before I ran for office when I was repeatedly told to “harness my story” on the campaign trail but instead focused on the issues, always uncomfortable with discussing myself beyond the surface-level topics.
Granted, this discomfort didn’t extend to all areas and disrupting the status quo via public policy is where I thrived. Policy issues stemming from police brutality? Private prisons? Immigration detention centers? Pink taxes? Parental leave? Pit bull bans? The patriarchy?
All issues I tackled publicly and directly.
But me? My postpartum depression? Becoming a first-time mom in the public eye just weeks into the lockdown in 2020? My anxiety? Coming back to myself post-divorce?
All very uncomfortable, particularly if it meant putting someone close to me in a negative light. I had, after all, become quite skilled at shrinking myself for the comfort of others, at plastering a smile on my face and pretending all was good when it was, in fact, not good.
Which is all to say, it’s been a while since I’ve chosen to engage in any off-the-cuff public speaking, and it’s been a long while since I’ve discussed anything that is personal to my own life without the benefit of choosing what to publish.
Unsurprisingly, this meant that recording On the Same Page with Abby and Paige sent me into a bit of anxiety loop because it was the first time I opened up about some of my experiences in a public space that I didn’t control, such as:
Drafting my own parental leave and then asking my colleagues to vote for it while 7 months pregnant
The questions I wish I asked my (at-the-time) husband about running for office
Where I think we are missing the mark when we say elect more moms!
A whole lot more (honestly, I can only bring myself to skip around…..)
Full video:
The problem, of course, is now that I’ve done it, I’ve realized that it’s actually not so scary.
I’m not sure whether it’s distance, therapy, or because I had already started writing about the personal stuff here, but the idea of talking about my experiences, what they taught me, and how they inform how I live my life and what I advocate for is less daunting than it was a few years ago.
Which also means….. I kind of want to do it again?
Because it turns out, I feel the same way about telling my story via a live conversation as I do about writing, which can be summarized as follows:
I’m doing it for the me two decades ago who lost her voice, who internalized the idea that her story didn’t matter and spent far too many years believing that.
I’m doing it because I know that my experiences are not all that unique, and that for so many women like myself, motherhood has changed them, divorce has liberated them, and that our society and government are failing them in so many ways.
And I’m doing it for my son, for whom I want a better, more equitable future, one where he sees his mother actively working towards that future outside of the few years she was a lawmaker.
Which is all to say, I hope you give this podcast a listen.
I hope that there is something of value in it for you, even if you’re not interested in running for office. Because in a world where all politics is personal, especially for mothers, we need to be talking to each other about how to uplift and advocate for people and policies that will create a better and safer world for our kids.
And most importantly, I hope that you know that your story matters, whether or not you choose to share it.
You can find Abby and Paige at the following:
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