This time is different (but also it's not)
On community-building and writing through crisis
Like many of you, I’m still trying to make sense of the election results, of what it means for me, my son, and for you, and your kids.
I’m not sure how to parent in a time of such extreme division, of hate, or how to combat the messages that my son will likely receive that he is both the problem and the solution, that his feelings matter, but also don’t. That the number of people who were safe for him is probably smaller, their love more blatantly conditional based on who he is, who he chooses to be, or who he loves.
But I am a mom, and I am a mom who cares deeply about feminism and equity and ending abuses of power, so I will listen and learn and continue to roll up my sleeves and do what needs to be done to fight for him, even if I’m not quite sure what that looks like, yet. It’s a challenge I’m up for, that I have already been 100% committed to, but one that I know just got harder.
After the 2016 election, I ran for City Council in Aurora, Colorado. In 2015, I participated in the Emerge program, which was designed to help women get elected to office. I figured I’d run someday, maybe a decade later or so, but by 2017, I knew that I wanted to act as a buffer between some of the federal policies and their impacts on our local community. So the fact that we are here again, fighting the same hatred against the same communities, is just…. A lot.
Unlike when I ran in 2017, however, I am now a mother. So how I choose to move forward is going to look different. For starters, I’m not running for office again, a decision I made several years ago and still stand by.
But also, how I view the world is different.
How I spend my time is different.
My priorities are different.
And yet, it’s not all that different. I still care about the same things, but motherhood has added a new lens through which to view them, and so my perspective has expanded and shifted.
And as a result, the people I surround myself with are different.
How I want to show up in community is different.
It’s this last one that really gets me. Because right now, community, and more specifically a village, is what so many of us need right now. And a village is not something I’m used to having, at least not on the hyperlocal scale.
So when I read comments and think-pieces about how divorce is tough because it breaks up the village and forces people to choose sides, I think, what village? What people?
Because sometimes the very thing that people fear will break up the village is precisely the thing that allows you to create one in the first place.
- 10 things I've learned in my two years as a single mom by Allison Hiltz
Which means that while I am extra grateful for the little village I have built, I am also acutely aware of what it is like to go through life without one, at least not one that’s physically nearby.
How isolating it can be to be surrounded by people, yet still feel like an outsider.
How conflicting it can feel to rage against systems that you both benefit from and want to dismantle.
How demoralizing it is to care so much and fight so hard for things that the people around you seem to be apathetic about.
So while I don’t quite know what my next steps will be in terms of how I work for a better world, I do know this.
I will not be silent. And while I won’t be able to tackle all of the things all of the time, I will continue to speak up.
I will combine my background in politics and public policy with my knack for connecting the dots on how policies can and will impact real-life by writing about it, particularly around the issues I already write about (motherhood, midlife, single parenting, divorce, etc.).
I will, I hope, continue to build a community in this corner of the Internet. One where we talk about the hard stuff, the policies that will impact us, the social norms that shape us, and the forces that are hell-bent on making us feel defeated. Where we learn from each other and hopefully take that into our offline worlds, if we are able.
In other words, I will write my way through it. Which is different from anything I’ve done before, but is also what I feel called to do right now, in this moment, given where I am in life.
Because even when it feels like we are alone in this, we are not.
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