Life IS (for me also) so much better post divorce. I can relate to so much, the working from home flexible job even if not my career intention (lifesaver!) and while I do not mow the lawn, I do get a satisfaction out of taking out the trash, leisurely, looking at the stars, sometimes walking around the block in the dark because why not? (My kids are older, so it works.) I’m more present and patient (within reason) now that I’m not caregiving to 3 (ex was like another child). While I am in a healthy relationship, I value and love my time spent without my partner. I’m driving my life, and it’s a shit ton of work without any real relief (zero shared custody) but it’s my own.
I love this for you! And the kids are never too young to wander around and look at the stars (we may have loaded up into the car to see the Northern Lights a few weeks ago….). I’m so glad that things are going so well for you and that you also found someone who understands your desire to have your own space.
The point that really speaks to me is about being alone. I have 2 autistic children and I’m married. I’m rarely truly alone. It’s the one thing I crave from before getting married - I had my own little one bedroom in a character house. I could do whatever, whenever. Now things are just…more. But it’s not the life I envisioned, so it’s not “happy” more.
This is the first time I've ever truly been on my own (I lived solo for a few months in my grandmother's house in my early 20's but I paid Gramma-rent so I don't think that really counts), and I took to it far better than I expected. I can only imagine how hard that is if it's something you've experienced and lost.
EVERY SINGLE TIME I walk into my (rented) home I am filled with gratitude that it’s MINE. Sure, I share it with my two children 50% of the time and my dog, but I am the Decider. It looks, smells, and feels the way I want it to. I love it. I love my life, even though I haven’t yet worked out the job-life balance thing yet (I too am in politics) and I’m also choosing to be in the joy of the here and now. I will always choose myself now that I have shown me that I can thrive on the other side.
This makes me so happy to hear! And the balance thing in politics is elusive, so I am sending you best wishes on that front. 😉 (We should also connect on that, though!)
I joke that I got divorced over brown walls and while it was (of course) much more than that, it felt so good to paint them a nice, millennial gray and reclaim the space as my own.
I am 25 years post-divorce and so grateful to have gotten out of that mistake! Not a mom, but I still had struggles, especially emotionally. It took me a long, long time to forgive myself for my mistakes, but since I got through that, my life couldn't be better. Congratulations on your successes, your dedication to your child, and on achieving gratitude. Well done!
So great to hear that you know you made the right choice even 25 years later! So glad you were able to what was right for you, too. And thanks for the kind words. 😊
Thank you so much! And married people are welcome here, too. 😉 If I’ve learned anything these last few years, it’s that while our circumstances are all unique, we are also not alone in them and they all exist on a continuum and within social contexts that none of us are immune to, so we need to share and root each other on!
Life IS (for me also) so much better post divorce. I can relate to so much, the working from home flexible job even if not my career intention (lifesaver!) and while I do not mow the lawn, I do get a satisfaction out of taking out the trash, leisurely, looking at the stars, sometimes walking around the block in the dark because why not? (My kids are older, so it works.) I’m more present and patient (within reason) now that I’m not caregiving to 3 (ex was like another child). While I am in a healthy relationship, I value and love my time spent without my partner. I’m driving my life, and it’s a shit ton of work without any real relief (zero shared custody) but it’s my own.
I love this for you! And the kids are never too young to wander around and look at the stars (we may have loaded up into the car to see the Northern Lights a few weeks ago….). I’m so glad that things are going so well for you and that you also found someone who understands your desire to have your own space.
The point that really speaks to me is about being alone. I have 2 autistic children and I’m married. I’m rarely truly alone. It’s the one thing I crave from before getting married - I had my own little one bedroom in a character house. I could do whatever, whenever. Now things are just…more. But it’s not the life I envisioned, so it’s not “happy” more.
This is the first time I've ever truly been on my own (I lived solo for a few months in my grandmother's house in my early 20's but I paid Gramma-rent so I don't think that really counts), and I took to it far better than I expected. I can only imagine how hard that is if it's something you've experienced and lost.
EVERY SINGLE TIME I walk into my (rented) home I am filled with gratitude that it’s MINE. Sure, I share it with my two children 50% of the time and my dog, but I am the Decider. It looks, smells, and feels the way I want it to. I love it. I love my life, even though I haven’t yet worked out the job-life balance thing yet (I too am in politics) and I’m also choosing to be in the joy of the here and now. I will always choose myself now that I have shown me that I can thrive on the other side.
This makes me so happy to hear! And the balance thing in politics is elusive, so I am sending you best wishes on that front. 😉 (We should also connect on that, though!)
I joke that I got divorced over brown walls and while it was (of course) much more than that, it felt so good to paint them a nice, millennial gray and reclaim the space as my own.
Cheers to running our own lives and enjoying it!
Nothing like our own space!
I am 25 years post-divorce and so grateful to have gotten out of that mistake! Not a mom, but I still had struggles, especially emotionally. It took me a long, long time to forgive myself for my mistakes, but since I got through that, my life couldn't be better. Congratulations on your successes, your dedication to your child, and on achieving gratitude. Well done!
So great to hear that you know you made the right choice even 25 years later! So glad you were able to what was right for you, too. And thanks for the kind words. 😊
Thank you so much! And married people are welcome here, too. 😉 If I’ve learned anything these last few years, it’s that while our circumstances are all unique, we are also not alone in them and they all exist on a continuum and within social contexts that none of us are immune to, so we need to share and root each other on!