This is beautiful. Also-yes-the meal planning freedom!! I've spent nearly a decade diligently meal planning each week. And now, in this newly separated existence, I've learning something surprising: children actually DO NOT need meal planning. Husbands do. My kids and I are perfectly fine winging it each night, and the whole process is much easier. Who knew?
It really is the simple things! I was a vegetarian for two years but still had to add meat to dinners. Now, if I don’t want meat, I do not have to cook it! (Although the meat budget is now the berry budget…..)
I loved this piece and really appreciate what you articulated here so beautifully. I identify with so much of this and, after divorcing long ago and then panic-dating for years, I personally feel no desire to partner up these days. It’s fascinating how triggering that can be for others, even those living very out of the norm lifestyles. A woman who wants to be able to follow her own rhythm is confusing to much of the world. And we need more of her.
We do! I haven't even ventured into trying. I assume I will date again someday but it's just not on my list of things I want to actively try to do. I spent over 20 years in various relationships and I never really spent time being totally on my own and I'm kind of loving it (and by on my own I mean being ruled by a preschooler 😉)
My dear friend moved through a divorce much like yours, with a young son, and felt similarly. That there was no version of the marriage that would lead to Happily Ever After. Instead, she felt that leaving was the only way to have a shot at something better. Her life is demonstrably better and her badassery shines even brighter these days. I’m so glad this has been your experience as well. We need these stories to be told.
You're welcome! I didn't really have much of a (local) village when I was married so it was pretty amazing to see one come together once I was on my own.
I could have written a version of this myself. It's conversations I've had with friends. Reflections I have on many pages in my journals. It's my day-to-day experiences, especially those dance parties. I'm not sure I've ever made a decision more calmly in all my life. The lead up wasn't, but the moment making it was. Thank you for so beautifully sharing an alternative divorce experience.
I’m so glad that you are able to come back to yourself, too! And I hear you on calmly making decisions - once we get the voices of the people who are no longer around us out of our heads, it's amazing what we can do!
My anniversary is coming up next week. My body has been feeling it for a week already. Reading this post on this day is the reminder I needed to turn things around. Divorce was my decision and I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. That’s what I want to focus on. Not the past meaning of a specific day. Thanks.
This is beautiful. Also-yes-the meal planning freedom!! I've spent nearly a decade diligently meal planning each week. And now, in this newly separated existence, I've learning something surprising: children actually DO NOT need meal planning. Husbands do. My kids and I are perfectly fine winging it each night, and the whole process is much easier. Who knew?
It really is the simple things! I was a vegetarian for two years but still had to add meat to dinners. Now, if I don’t want meat, I do not have to cook it! (Although the meat budget is now the berry budget…..)
I loved this piece and really appreciate what you articulated here so beautifully. I identify with so much of this and, after divorcing long ago and then panic-dating for years, I personally feel no desire to partner up these days. It’s fascinating how triggering that can be for others, even those living very out of the norm lifestyles. A woman who wants to be able to follow her own rhythm is confusing to much of the world. And we need more of her.
We do! I haven't even ventured into trying. I assume I will date again someday but it's just not on my list of things I want to actively try to do. I spent over 20 years in various relationships and I never really spent time being totally on my own and I'm kind of loving it (and by on my own I mean being ruled by a preschooler 😉)
Enjoy the journey into you! Preschoolers do know how to assist. They will make sure you are acutely aware of your feelings. 😂
Haha, oh yes! And when I am wrong about them.
I feel this so completely and am so happy for you.
Thank you and you, too!!! Cheers.
My dear friend moved through a divorce much like yours, with a young son, and felt similarly. That there was no version of the marriage that would lead to Happily Ever After. Instead, she felt that leaving was the only way to have a shot at something better. Her life is demonstrably better and her badassery shines even brighter these days. I’m so glad this has been your experience as well. We need these stories to be told.
I'm so glad it is working out so well for her! It's more common than people think but, of course, we aren't supposed to say that. 😉
"sometimes separating is the only way to build a village in the first place, a village that also provides love and support for my son."
I can't tell you how uplifting and hopeful this particular line is. Thank you <3
You're welcome! I didn't really have much of a (local) village when I was married so it was pretty amazing to see one come together once I was on my own.
Love it! Thank you so much for being so brave, strong and charting a new life for yourself full of respect, dignity and self-worth!
Thank you for the kind words!
This is me ❤️ thank you for speaking the quiet parts out loud! In this case, it is very much needed!
You're welcome! I've had some time and distance so it's a little easier to speak to it now that there's some clarity around it all.
I could have written a version of this myself. It's conversations I've had with friends. Reflections I have on many pages in my journals. It's my day-to-day experiences, especially those dance parties. I'm not sure I've ever made a decision more calmly in all my life. The lead up wasn't, but the moment making it was. Thank you for so beautifully sharing an alternative divorce experience.
I’m so glad that you are able to come back to yourself, too! And I hear you on calmly making decisions - once we get the voices of the people who are no longer around us out of our heads, it's amazing what we can do!
Beautiful essay, Allison!
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!
My anniversary is coming up next week. My body has been feeling it for a week already. Reading this post on this day is the reminder I needed to turn things around. Divorce was my decision and I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. That’s what I want to focus on. Not the past meaning of a specific day. Thanks.
Really great piece. I’m so happy for you!