I am so very tired

Some recommendations because my body is putting itself in time-out

Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

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I am tired. Deep, in my bones, tired.

My brain is foggy and my lungs hurt a little if I breathe in too deeply, and the current state of affairs is not helping with my need to take deep breaths. No matter how much I sleep, it doesn’t feel like enough, at least not until I’m through my second cup of coffee, which I keep on a steady drip until 4 pm, which is both a necessity and likely not helping the situation. It’s not that I’m sick, per se, although it’s partially that, but that my body is telling me to slow down, to recalibrate, to rest up for what’s to come, whatever that is.

There’s no single reason for it, but rather several, some of my own making, some out of my control. Out of my control are last week’s snowstorm that locked us indoors for a few days, the uptick in work obligations, yet another mammogram (which was normal, thankfully), the general state of the world right now, the sun setting earlier, and so on.

In my control are the things I decided to tick off my to-do list in short order: new brakes, arranging a furniture donation pickup, scheduling tree-trimmers, and tackling a bunch of one-time projects around the house that I just had to do.

I should feel good about all that I’ve gotten done, and I do, but I also feel like I’m going through the motions, putting one foot in front of the other, which I suppose makes sense given *waves hands around* all of life right now.

And yet, there are extended moments of immense joy, such as taking my four-year old to his very first concert (Trans-Siberian Orchestra), which was an absolute blast, even if he has reminded me daily for the last month that I robbed him of the experience of seeing Benson Boone at Red Rocks and this was a consolation prize, something I doubt he’ll get over any time soon given his ability to remain stubborn like his mother (seriously, I didn’t eat cheese for two decades because I wanted my own pizza once….). 

Suffice to say, writing creatively has been a challenge. I have a lot to say but committing words to paper is proving difficult at the moment, something I know is temporary but frustrating nonetheless. 

So instead, while my mind and body put themselves back in order, I’m going to share with you some of the things that have been getting me through the days. Some fun, some serious, but all noteworthy, in my humble opinion. And in the meantime, I’m sending you gratitude for allowing me the space to pause this week.

Currently reading

• The Sequel by Jean Hanff Korelitz - Aptly named The Sequel because it’s the sequel to Korelitz’s The Plot, the book follows Anna Williams-Bonner, whose late husband and acclaimed writer was plagued by accusations of plagiarism. Now a literary sensation in her own right, Anna’s own past threatens to catch up to her. (It’s hard to describe this one without spoiling the first, but The Plot is worth picking up and so far, The Sequel is shaping up to be a good one, too).

• The Outdoorsy Mama Movement that Helped Trump Win (Unpacking the conservative Christian ideology of 1000 Hours Outside) by

  Virginia Sole-Smith
  - Back on 2020-2021, when I was a new mom, my Instagram was mostly focused on hiking with my son (because that’s what you did in Colorado during that time), which means I saw a LOT of 1,000 Hours Outside posts. But as a mom with a full-time job and a husband (at the time) working overnights, it all seemed pretty unattainable. Turns out there may have been a reason for that and this post digs into why.

  On a side note, I finished this post Monday night (including this rec) and woke up this morning to some lovely new readers that made their way to me via Virginia’s latest post. I know she couldn’t possibly know how much this perked me up this morning after my recent/ongoing funk, but consider this a good reminder that one person CAN, indeed, make a difference because I’m entirely too emotional about it all.

  If you’re new here, I promise I’m not always like this and I hope you stick around! Or maybe I am and it’s perimenopausal brain fog and we’ll figure it out together. I guess we’ll see….

• Is There Any Hope? Define Hope (What to hope for now, in these days when it all seems hopeless) by

  Kate Manne
  - A great piece on hope, what it is, what it isn’t, and what it requires. As someone who is a realistic optimist (or an optimistic realist?) who has been/self-describes as delightfully difficult, I appreciated her insights and focus on hope in relation to action.

Currently listening

• BoyMom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity

  by

  Ruth Whippman
  - This one has been on my TBR for a while but I really wasn’t in the headspace to pick it up. Now that I finally am, I’m glad I waited until I was ready. As a burn-down-the-patriarchy feminist who is also now raising a son, I struggle with how to navigate the messaging that he will receive that men are both the problem and the solution, that their feelings matter but also don’t, and what masculinity is and isn’t. I’m up for the challenge, obviously, but if the last few weeks have taught me anything it’s that this messaging is a lot more pervasive than I thought and I need to step it up (which is probably less surprising to folks with older kids). And yes, I plan to write about my thoughts on the book later. I may have quit book blogging when I ran for office, but I didn’t do it for so many years to not dust off those skills every once in a while!

• Benson Boone - Pretty much anything and all things Benson Boone. Like I said, my four-year old is still upset that I didn’t take him to see him at Red Rocks (or the VMA’s, a performance he makes me replay on YouTube because of the flips and sparkly suit) and is teaching himself how to play the drums alongside Benson Boone videos on YouTube. Plus, every time he does a backflip (I didn’t realize there were so many!), mine practices flipping his drumstick, making it quite the interactive experience for mom, son, and dog alike. It is safe to say that I am simultaneously overstimulated, loving it, and mostly-successfully dodging flying drumsticks.

What I bought

• Birdie+ Personal Alarm - I’ve had a regular Birdie for a couple of years but decided to upgrade to the + version because I like that it has 24/7 access to an emergency rep that can dispatch first responders, a must-have for women these days and also simple enough that kids can use it.

• This MagSafe phone grip - Because the sticky ones that don’t come off mean that I can’t use my MagSafe backup charger, and without that option, I’m stuck carrying both a cable and a charger in my purse and I simply cannot with cables in my purse.

• Loop Engage 2 Plus earbuds - Did I mention the drumming? But also, I’ve been finding myself getting overstimulated more frequently, especially in the evenings. It has nothing to do with son’s behavior (bedtime usually goes fine, it just takes forever, and it’s the forever that I find overstimulating), but Instagram convinced me these earbuds would solve my problems and I decided to be convinced.

  Holding your sh*t together when you can't get a break

  So far, I’m loving them. I pretty much only use them with the extra noise reduction option in, which means I can filter out the noise and the banging and the jets flyovers and the drumming but still hear him when he talks to me. I also have found myself using them while working to filter out the tree trimmers and the street sweepers and the roofers nearby, but I can still hear the music. So far, I highly recommend them.

Your turn: What are you currently loving?

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