Wow! This resonates. After my third kid, I left my “flexible job” of 15 years (which I realize now was a job with some flexibility) for a true flexible job (freelance where I set my own hours). I had a hard time understanding my own burnout and exhaustion, especially since I could work so many of my hours on the go. But that was it! I was constantly working, constantly multitasking. Thank you for this piece!
Thanks for reading! The 24/7 grind can be such a challenge, and there's a big difference, mentally, between working a job that allows you to go to school events and doctors appointments without fear of punishment and working 24/7 to accommodate wacky schedules while fitting in life (I've done both in my career). I'm glad you were able to recognize what was happening and adjust!
Love this post. There is so much truth in it, thank you.
I particularly loved this paragraph: "More likely, though, it’s because this is the natural byproduct of a society that expects mothers to sacrifice their entire beings in service to motherhood, a problematic narrative that is seeing a resurgence in popularity thanks to well-paid trad wives. (Oh, the irony.)"
As I am mentally preparing to change my work schedule when my daughter starts kindergarten in August after working M-F 9-6 for almost 6 years now (except for when I was on maternity leave), I definitely agree with this statement of mom’s job is flexible because she made it that way.
My work schedule is not flexible really. I work in an infant room where I am the one who knows the most about all the babies in my classroom (I have a coteacher, but I have always been the overfunctioner in terms of ability to remember everything about their schedules, preferences, and what needs to be done to stay on track). We also have frequent tours, and my ability to be “on” with very little notice makes me feel like I need to be at work because I am often part of what people mention when they decide to enroll their baby (one dad said his wife loved that I said I sang songs from musicals to the babies throughout the day so that helped them pick us). Getting more babies enrolled is always on the owners’ mind because in childcare my class is the one that costs the most (for those that don’t receive government vouchers which we do have a handful of babies whose parents receive those vouchers).
I am curious if me having to change my hours to 7:45-4:45 for her school year will change the relationship I have with the parents since I will be there for drop off but not pick up.
*My husband does have a somewhat flexible schedule to an extent because he has days off built into his schedule, but because he is a police sergeant in a short staffed department he gets called into work randomly if another supervisor calls out. My husband does schedule her doctor’s appointments that aren’t the main well child check for him to take her, but I like to be there for her annual appointment because I like talking to the doctor in person. He has been the one to stay at home with her often when she has been sick too, but she really hasn’t been sick this year and hasn’t had to stay home.
It will definitely be interesting to see how things change once your hours shift but I'm willing to bet that most parents will be understanding of the fact that you also have your own children to attend to and will be happy to have you in the classroom, still. I can't wait for you to report back next year!
Wow, Allison, this is the perfect build on for my time post! Thank you!
I love how you frame the nuance of work "flexibility". It made me think of the research that shows how even the concept of "flexibility" is gendered.
For partnered, opposite sex couples, comparing the concept of "flexibility" for moms vs dads, the main conclusion was something this:
Scenario 1: mom is a lawyer, dad is a doctor.
Question: "Who's job is more flexible?"
Answer: mom's
Scenario 2: mom is a doctor, dad is a lawyer.
Question: "Who's job is more flexible?"
Answer: mom's
Thank you for the time stress post - it really clicked into place the missing piece for me on my thoughts on this topic.
That example also perfectly encapsulates the issue - mom’s job is more flexible because it’s mom’s, and she makes it so.
Thanks for reading!
it is EXACTLY that!
Wow! This resonates. After my third kid, I left my “flexible job” of 15 years (which I realize now was a job with some flexibility) for a true flexible job (freelance where I set my own hours). I had a hard time understanding my own burnout and exhaustion, especially since I could work so many of my hours on the go. But that was it! I was constantly working, constantly multitasking. Thank you for this piece!
Thanks for reading! The 24/7 grind can be such a challenge, and there's a big difference, mentally, between working a job that allows you to go to school events and doctors appointments without fear of punishment and working 24/7 to accommodate wacky schedules while fitting in life (I've done both in my career). I'm glad you were able to recognize what was happening and adjust!
Love this post. There is so much truth in it, thank you.
I particularly loved this paragraph: "More likely, though, it’s because this is the natural byproduct of a society that expects mothers to sacrifice their entire beings in service to motherhood, a problematic narrative that is seeing a resurgence in popularity thanks to well-paid trad wives. (Oh, the irony.)"
Thank you! And thank you for sharing it, too!
As I am mentally preparing to change my work schedule when my daughter starts kindergarten in August after working M-F 9-6 for almost 6 years now (except for when I was on maternity leave), I definitely agree with this statement of mom’s job is flexible because she made it that way.
My work schedule is not flexible really. I work in an infant room where I am the one who knows the most about all the babies in my classroom (I have a coteacher, but I have always been the overfunctioner in terms of ability to remember everything about their schedules, preferences, and what needs to be done to stay on track). We also have frequent tours, and my ability to be “on” with very little notice makes me feel like I need to be at work because I am often part of what people mention when they decide to enroll their baby (one dad said his wife loved that I said I sang songs from musicals to the babies throughout the day so that helped them pick us). Getting more babies enrolled is always on the owners’ mind because in childcare my class is the one that costs the most (for those that don’t receive government vouchers which we do have a handful of babies whose parents receive those vouchers).
I am curious if me having to change my hours to 7:45-4:45 for her school year will change the relationship I have with the parents since I will be there for drop off but not pick up.
*My husband does have a somewhat flexible schedule to an extent because he has days off built into his schedule, but because he is a police sergeant in a short staffed department he gets called into work randomly if another supervisor calls out. My husband does schedule her doctor’s appointments that aren’t the main well child check for him to take her, but I like to be there for her annual appointment because I like talking to the doctor in person. He has been the one to stay at home with her often when she has been sick too, but she really hasn’t been sick this year and hasn’t had to stay home.
It will definitely be interesting to see how things change once your hours shift but I'm willing to bet that most parents will be understanding of the fact that you also have your own children to attend to and will be happy to have you in the classroom, still. I can't wait for you to report back next year!